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Cybersex, also called computer sex, Internet sex, netsex and, colloquially, cyber or cybering, is a virtual sex encounter in which two or more people connected remotely via computer network send each other sexually explicit messages describing a sexual experience.

Assuming, of course, that your penetrative sex skill is the only kind you're interested in improving. Ain't nothing like data analytics to get the old clit-pulse thumping.--So there you have it.

The Verdict: I was curious, so I thought real hard about burly dudes touching each other and stuck my phone on my stomach just to see what kind of vibrations I was recording. Clearly, if you're yearning for appsturbation, what's currently available probably won't do it for you -- and if you're aware of some obscure option I missed, please throw it my way.

It's called "Happy Play Time," it's supposed to help (cis) women become sexually liberated by coaching them through self-pleasure, and it seems to think your clitoris is the scariest fucking thing I've ever seen: Are we supposed to believe that this cheerful Red Riding Hood creature is excited to have its face smushed in circles by our clumsy, germy hands?

Can we become the Foursquare Mayor of our own vaginas?

Maybe this is because I just really love seeing data mapped out, but it was genuinely awesome to see how my breathing rate increased as I got closer to finishing. I, for one, am genuinely looking forward to trying out Happy Play Time.

It also automatically logs your time, which I am totally going to use to try to get my two-minute jack-off technique down to a science. The carpal tunnel factor is just a risk I will have to take.

I'm a little inclined to side-eye all its rhetoric about a smartphone application being the key to unlocking the sexuality of repressed women everywhere, but hey, if it helps some people step up their fap game, then why not.